If my daughter wants to be a welder...

Not going to college was never an option for me. While my family and educators never really verbalized the pressure, the expectation to pursue higher education was always understood. Even though I was interested in non-academic pursuits such as training horses and building furniture, those activities were defined as "hobbies" rather than careers in my mind.

Growing up, the words "trade school" were only spoken with a slight smirk and an understanding that those who went down that path couldn't muster the smarts or motivation to tackle the substantive challenges of academia. To put it simply, this idea is pure crap. Our skilled workforce is disappearing because such jobs have been vilified rather than glorified. We don't know how to do anything for ourselves. Our first instinct is to pick up the phone when a drain is clogged, a tire is flat, gutters need replacing, trees need trimming or a fence needs mending.

As I carve out a deeper and deeper trench of existence on this planet, I realize just how helpless we are as a society because of this mentality. Skilled labor and craftsmen propped up the once flimsy ideas of this great country enabling us to become a full-fledged nation and free market society. Our ingenuity and ability to build and create helped our economy survive in the post-World War II world. But, our parents' generation went the other direction. They were more concerned with self-esteem and valued "feelings" over hard work (the kind that makes you sweat). Going to college became a right of passage while trade schools were relegated to the edge of civilized society. Men were demasculinized and the role of women was questioned. We honored intellectual concepts rather than the calloused hands of manual work. Suddenly, we gave up building, fixing, tinkering and exploring.

Since then, it seems we are all looking for the next big idea. We choose our educational paths based on the earnings potential of a specific career rather than a personal interest or talent. We are drawn to the dull but seductive glow of the white collar world. Before we know it, life flies by and we realize that we spent our days pushing papers, crunching numbers or analyzing data...trading happiness for a paycheck. Now we have entire generations hating their jobs. We long nostalgically for a hands-on job that may not fuel lofty dreams of a hefty bank account and early retirement, but offers the satisfaction of exploring a passionate curiosity. For a society to thrive, there has to be a balance between the thinkers and the doers.

Everything we dream up needs to be manufactured or otherwise brought to fruition, but who is doing that? Not us. China is, for the most part. We are completely dependant on a country that rejects the freedoms and ideas that make the United States the greatest country on earth. They don't rely on our "ideas" but we rely on their practical know-how.

How we we rediscover a balance? Kids need the opportunity to create their own worlds (imaginative play, climbing trees, building forts, mud pies, etc...) rather than constantly stepping into cyber-worlds created by others. When they show an ability, we need to encourage them to explore it further...to consider a career that will not only allow them to hone a valued skill but also contribute to their overall happiness. Until we get back to doing for ourselves, this culture of dependence will continue to lift up other nations while our autonomy falters.

If my daughters show an interest in metal work, I'm asking my brother-in-law to teach them how to weld. If my son my loves to build, I'm encouraging him to build a playhouse in the backyard. College will be an option but it certainly won't be the only option. My hope is that they will become intimately familiar with hard work (yes, the kind that makes you sweat) and that they are empowered to create, fix and build on their own. I guess we can learn something from China afterall.

The Joys of Housewifery...

I read an article this morning in the Arizona Republic about the "joys of housewifery" and can't help but comment. The article touches on the rising trend in women taking to the blogosphere to talk about the importance of being a good wife. It seems that many women feel the need to define their era of housewifery, much like we label generations (ex: Gen X, Baby Boomers, NetGen, etc...).

There are those who strive to emulate the perfectly coiffed wife of the 1950s, right down to the crisp day dress and lipsticked smile. These images are perpetuated by popular television shows such as Mad Men, in which female characters carefully wrap wifedom in a tight-fitting cocktail dress. Then there are those who walk the women's lib line, believing that women have a responsibility to wear the proverbial pants, contribute to the household income and do it all domestically as well. I'd say the majority of women fall into the space between the two extremes, trying to create a work/life/home balance that allows her to pursue professional and personal interests while creating a welcoming, stimulating and nurturing environment for their husband and kids.

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It's taken me a while to figure out where I stand on this issue. I'm not a stereotypical women's libber, I know that much. I value my husband's role as head of our household. He has a ton of pressure to succeed professionally, be a role model to our kids and lead our family in our spiritual walk. I believe he is uniquely qualified to fulfill these responsibilities. Much to the dismay of my parents (who funded --either solely or in-part-- 12 years of private school and 5 years of undergrad education and supported me emotionally through grad school), I don't feel compelled to work outside of the house. That's not to say I don't have professional goals...I do but my role as wife and mother come first. As a family, we would (and do) sacrifice creature comforts to keep me at home. My situation is a little unique since I do work from home when the kids are otherwise occupied or sleeping. I wonder how the 1950s wife would feel about that?

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Perhaps we are in the process of creating a new definition of housewifery as the pendulum continues to swing back in the opposite direction of the die-hard women's liberation movement. Though, I don't think a return to the 1950s housewife model is realistic: Our world is just too complicated, our households too complex, our schedules too intricate. For now, I'm content with the middle place. I've tried wearing a house dress all day while running carpool, cleaning and making dinner. It's not comfortable...though I did notice I stood a little taller and really did feel naked without lipstick. How do you define the joys of housewifery through your unique prism?

Would you track your kids?

I have not been a die-hard fan of the show 24, but I attempted to watch it for two seasons or so. I don't remember much of the plot or the acting, but I do remember one scene in which one character had a tracking device of some sort inserted just under their skin. I can't recall the situation, but I'm sure it was highly stressful, super secret and death-defying. Whatever the circumstance, the bad guys discovered the device and cut it out of the person's arm, forcing him/her completely 'off grid' and thickening the already intense plot.

I've always remembered this scene because it gave me hope that a subcutaneous tracking device would soon be available for my kids. No, I'm not kidding. Were the technology available, and I could find a pediatrician to administer the 'shot', I would be 100% on board.

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A few night ago, I was out to dinner with my brother (who was visiting from Hawaii) and my sister the other night when we started talking about the ability to track kids via satellite. My sister and I each have three kids and agreed that some sort of injectable tracking device is a great idea. Our brother, childless as he is, was shocked that we would even consider such measures. He went off on the "you can't infringe upon their freedom like that" rant. Oh, I can, and I would. Not so much to spy on them (although as they get older, I'm sure I will no qualms about doing so), but definitely to keep them safe. There are just too many dangers and sick people in the world to even assume that our kids are safe.

I know there are plenty of 'child-tracking' devices on the market, but I want something that cannot be detected and cannot be removed (maybe it will dissolve upon their 18th birthday?). Having that sense of security would make parenting just a bit easier (and who wouldn't love parenting to be easier?). My dog is microchipped, and my kids would be too if I had the option. What would you do? If the technology were available, would you use it?

Mothers of Invention

What comes to your mind when you think of the perfect mother? Perhaps June Cleaver-ish visions of starched aprons, apple pie and just the right shade of red lipstick pop into your head. Or, maybe your pendulum swings the opposite direction towards a cartoonist version of Super Mom. Is she mixing up brownies with one hand and paying the bills with the other all while holding down a full-time job and cooking dinner every night? These mothering extremes leave many of us feeling inadequate at best, like complete failures at worst.

Mary Allison over at MakeShift Revolution brilliantly celebrates the mothering middle-ground, the area in which most of us operate even though we often don't give ourselves permission to do so. Rather than criticize other mothers or hide from the chocolate-stained, messy, sticky reality that is motherhood, let's celebrate our unique experiences in an effort to live in a place of appreciation, acceptance and encouragement. After all, we're all in this together and perfection is a serious myth.

I am honored that Mary Allison featured me as today's Mother of Invention, as I always find inspiration in the mothers she includes on her blog. Check it out and consider how you navigate motherhood in light of the chaos that, well, is.

The view out my side mirror

Do you ever catch your child in a moment of pure innocence? Maybe you've watched them lean down to smell a flower. Or, maybe you've observed as they imaginatively role play with their favorite teddy bear or doll. These precious moments allow me, as a parent, to take a deep breath and invite the giggle, smile, serenity or excitement to wash over me like a healing salve.

The moments in which our children celebrate the simplicity of life and wonder of childhood take away the stress and chaos of parenting, if only briefly. The other day, my three kids and I were running errands (one of the great anti-joys of motherhood) when I peaked out my side mirror and saw Eden's delicate hand peaking out of her window. As I was rolling through my mental check-list of things to do, she was simply enjoying the ride. Her eyes were closed as her hand rode the current of the wind, the corners of her mouth turned just slightly up in a subtle acknowledgement of contentment.

As I watched her tiny hand, palm turned up in acceptance of her blessings, the rolling check-list came to a screeching halt. Only then did I notice Gioia's head swaying back and forth to the Sugarland song on the radio and Rocco intently trying over and over again to tie his shoe. I was so busy racing (both mentally and physically), that I wasn't as mindful and thankful for my cargo as I should be.

This whole experience lasted a short amount of time, but it changed my outlook and made me realize that some day soon, I will be running errands alone as they continue to explore life without me. Whether she's with me or not, I will probably always see Eden's hand riding the wave of childhood, every time I look out my side view mirror. For that memory, I am thankful.

Life with my "only" child

I don't know much about the "only" child world. Being the oldest of four, I've picked up a few sibling survival skills over the years. For instance, I learned that setting my alarm just one minute before my sisters would get me into the bathroom first. Also, in order to get my fill of mom's gnocchi, I would shovel the first plate full into my mouth and dive in for seconds (hopefully) before anyone else (or at least right after my brother). Personal space is just a concept, not an actual experience and sharing is something that happens whether I like it or not.

I've been married to an only child for almost eight years now. Through our marriage, I've learned characteristics that come with being raised sans siblings. I'm not saying that one experience is better than the other. Clearly, parents makes the decisions that are best for them and the family, which is the way it should be. But, I see how he winces when the decibel level climbs in our house and he's obviously uncomfortable when two or three other people try to join him in the bathroom for a pre-bed teeth brushing session.

Watching him navigate life with three little kids is almost like a clinical social experiment. I see something about to happen (ex: Rocco eyeing a toy that Gioia is holding), I quickly glance at my husband (who is currently oblivious to the soon-to-be-unleashed fury), I see Rocco grab the toy and watch as Eden jumps into action to protect her little sister. Uncontrollable screaming ensues. Quickly, I look back at my husband who is turning a subtle shade of red. His eyes start blinking faster. His whole body tenses. I can almost see the wheels of his mind spinning as he tries to decide what to do: go with his instinct and explode in frustration (which could result in a 30 minute disappearance) or take a deep breath and realize that this is his life. Meanwhile, I am almost unfazed by the chaos. In fact, sometimes the noise sparks a fond childhood memory. I'm sure that's a bit odd to some.

For the past five days, I've been raising an only child. My two older kids are in AZ, which means Gioia and I have been hanging out by ourselves. What a wildly different experience! I've been focusing solely on her, which has provided tremendous insight into her personality. I can take her to the park and enjoy the day myself because I'm not keeping an eye on three kids running in opposite directions. I can take her shopping and actually fill up my cart since two other kids aren't inhabiting valuable grocery real estate. Yes, there have been some mishaps. Without her brother and sister to occupy her, Gioia found her way into my mascara and decided to give herself a black eye, but that's pretty much the worst of it.

Raising a temporary only child is a huge and much-needed mommy respite. I'm so grateful to my extended family for this opportunity to take a breather and get to know my youngest a little better. But, of course, there is a big part of me that misses the chaos. My husband on the other hand.....

Kick off your summer reading - The One That I Want

I'll get to the point: The more I read from Allison Winn Scotch, the more I want to read. Her first two books, The Department of Lost and Found and The Time of My Life, are on my short list of chick-lit favorites. I have been anticipating her new book, The One That I Want for a while now. When it showed up on my door step, I seriously stopped what I was doing, brewed a cup of tea, plopped down on my porch and dove in immediately. I thought I would start a chapter or two, but as life swirled around me, her words kept the chaos around me down to a dull roar. By the time I put it down, I was half-way through.

I recently interviewed Allison for the Tattered Cover Bookstore blog and she admitted the pressure was on for book #3. With the bar set so high by her first two efforts, I wanted to see if she could pull off another stellar story line. Of course, she didn't disappoint. The One That I Want takes a sometimes painfully honest look at complex relationships and explores the concept of fate. True to form, Allison skillfully takes the reader into the life of her protagonist, Tilly Farmer, as she recognizes her inability to control the details of her life.

Like many of us, Tilly has a very definite idea of her perfect life. When that life seems unattainable, she has to decide whether she is open to possibilities she never considered, or if her happiness is intrinsically linked to her idealized vision.

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This is a fantastic book to kick off your summer reading. It's fast-paced, always interesting and really difficult to put down. Now I'm eagerly anticipating Allison's fourth book and wondering what journey she'll take me on next.

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Order your copy today...you won't be disappointed.
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Allison is also the queen of awesome contests. If you order her book between now and June 4th, you can win some really great prizes. Check out the details on her web site.

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Follow Allison on Twitter: www.twitter.com/aswinn

and on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Allison-Winn-Scotch/49841196684?ref=ts